As someone I consider trustworthy and safe, I feel like it's time to share the following info with you. Due to a ton of misinformation, sensationalization, stigma, and just an overall lack of understanding by the general public, I hope that you can keep an open mind. I'm also hoping that you could refrain from sharing this with others in our lives unless told otherwise. This may take some time to digest and figure out. Don't worry, perfection isn't required. I understand it's all a lot.
Plurality, in this context, is the phenomenon of having more than one consciousness/entities/beings in a single mind/body. This can happen for a variety of reasons. Some people are born plural. Some become plural through spiritual means. Some people willingly become plural systems through various techniques. And others can become plural as a result of trauma (the most well known origin category. You've likely heard of Dissociative Identity Disorder - previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder. DID isn't the only complex dissociative disorder, nor the only condition under which plurality can occur.). This list is not all inclusive. There's an amazingly wide variety of experiences and types of plurality.
I, or rather, we, have known about our plurality for a few years now and our understanding of ourselves has and will continue to develop. You can read more about our personal history here located further down the page. There are also several other sections we've thrown together to help you gain a rudimentary understanding of us as a system and about plurality in general.
Again, we'd ask you to not speak about this publicly. Not everyone in our family knows, nor do we feel it'd be beneficial for them to know yet. Feel free to talk about it with any therapist you may have or with people we've already told (ask us to know who has been told).
At some point we expect that it may become necessary for everyone to know about our plurality. In that case, we'll need your help to hopefully make that transition easier for both us and for those certain members of our family who may have a bit of a tougher time respecting us about this and dealing with it appropriately. Already having a good support system of people who have adjusted to all of this and learned about it will hopefully help take some of the load off of us so that we aren't impacted as negatively health-wise, especially in regards to fatigue and emotional well-being.
Hi, we're the Dream-Spared System. This site is mainly to help those in our life become aware of our plurality and become educated and comfortable with the concept. This site contains our story and basic information about our system and plurality in general. You're welcome to look around. We hope that perhaps our story can not only be useful for our loved ones, but perhaps for the plural community in general.
We feel as though documenting system origins and info, when done in a safe and appropriate manner, can help spread positive awareness and understanding of plurality. We hope that it may also work to spark curiosity and education about plurality and systems and work to diminish the stigma and fear surrounding them.
We hope that someday the world will be more accepting towards those who experience plurality and becomes a safer, more welcoming and accommodating place.
We support all types of plurality and feel as though acceptance of all types of systems is vital for the progression of the community as a whole. Every system deserves to feel safe, accepted, and free. This starts within their own community. Hate will only tear us all down.
We would ask your patience with any mistakes on this site. We suffer from several debilitating conditions that make creating a website a huge challenge. This site is a work in progress.
None of the info on our site is meant as a diagnostic or treatment tool. Please do your own research, talk to qualified professionals, etc. We'll do what we can to provide accurate and helpful info, but we are not a qualified expert in psychology, healthcare, or any similar and relevant field.
Feel free to email us at sparethedreamer@gmail.com if you spot any errors or issues.
I, due to both my natural disposition and reinforced through life circumstances, have always been a fairly sensitive and emotional person. Many events in life have left a, perhaps stronger than typical (though who am I to say? I can't peer into anyone else's minds to know for certain), impact on me. I've also faced a fairly steady series of hardships ranging from mental and physical health issues, to an assortment of events of varying intensity and trauma (such as getting my face bit by a tortoise as a small child to the tragic and untimely death of a close friend as an adult). The accumulation of trauma hasn't just resulted in a diagnosis of cPTSD as an adult, but necessitated some form of coping mechanism as a youngster.
Children (and adults wise enough to trust their inner child) often find creative joy and freedom in the use of imagination. I quickly learned that the stories and games I could craft in my own mind held feelings of safety, control, and distraction that shielded me from the often overwhelming nature of the real world I experienced. I found great satisfaction in crafting scenarios, characters, and worlds for myself and over time I became better and better at it.
These imaginings became more frequent, developed, immersive, and expansive as time went on. I devoted many hours to my worlds and other lives and friends, with some negative impact on my real life relationships, schooling, and involvement. I became more attached to these worlds and beings, and less interested in what was typically accepted as reality. Fortunately, I had a natural intelligence and affinity for school and typically was able to keep my grades high, though I did struggle focusing on my homework and chores and often required ‘hand holding’ by my mom to get things done.
Over time, I realized the necessity of becoming more present in the real world and worked hard to defeat my dependency on my daydreaming and increase my tolerance of reality. I even went an entire year without allowing myself to daydream in this immersive and consuming way. After that year, I was able to revisit my ability to imagine and eventually was able to establish a sort of middle ground with it.
I felt as though being able to use my imagination so strongly was a talent and could be a gift if I engaged with it wisely. I slowly but surely gained the ability to still enjoy these creative endeavors, but no longer at the expense of my real-world life. I feel as though I've truly reached a healthy place with it. I’m thankful I have as it remains a useful coping mechanism as well as an enjoyable and fulfilling activity.
At some point, I learned the relevant terms for what I was experiencing (a valuable moment that helped reassure me that I wasn't entirely unordinary and strange). I was able to connect with online Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder and Immersive Daydreaming communities and found reassurance in others like me. Ultimately, I didn't really remain involved with them for long, as I've always been fairly private about my paracosms and paras (resulting in my mom believing me to be involved with witchcraft as a preteen, which, as a Christian, was a fairly alarming discovery for her) due to my nature as well as the significance I've always placed on their existence.
Some time near this point, I also stumbled across a DID community online. Not wanting to be disrespectful, I didn't interact, merely observed and learned for a time about something I had only heard briefly mentioned in school and found intriguing. Over time, I naturally began to question if the reason why I felt drawn to these communities was because I might be plural, myself?
I began searching within myself to see if others were there but was faced with overwhelming feelings of panic at the idea of such a huge self-identity shift. I felt myself nearing a mental breakdown, so for my own good I firmly shut that door of inquiry. I don't know if I would have discovered a system then, had I kept pushing, but if so, it was not something I was ready for. I feared too much losing control and freedom of my life and having to adjust to such a huge change. I was sticking to my immersive daydreaming and that was it. I was me. I was in control.
A few years later, this brief connection would prove to be an interesting springboard for my journey.
(It should be noted that while Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder isn't recognized in the DSM or ICD, it does have proposed diagnostic criteria that can be found here. It should also be noted that it's often considered a dissociation disorder, which isn't surprising since you dissociate to daydream. Not to mention the similarities between and proximity of paras to independent headmates.)
I mentioned earlier that I have been diagnosed with cPTSD as an adult. This, we feel, is another relevant factor that plays heavily into our system’s creation.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a condition which can occur when someone experiences a traumatic event and which results in symptoms such as hyper vigilance, flashbacks, nightmares, psychological distress, and psychological reactions when that person is triggered by something similar to the original event, is more than just psychological. It can create actual biological changes to the neurological and endocrine systems*.
Complex PTSD, or cPTSD, is fairly similar to PTSD, though it's gained through repetitive exposure to traumatic events and can present with additional symptoms, which includes dissociation.
I was diagnosed with cPTSD as a young adult as a result of several unfortunate traumatic events that have transpired throughout my life, from the untimely death of a roommate, to stressful mental health trials, to gaining a physical disability.
As you can probably guess, between my daydreaming and cPTSD, it was like my brain was being primed for being able to create a system if I encountered a situation stressful enough to warrant it.
*Sherin JE, Nemeroff CB. Post-traumatic stress disorder: the neurobiological impact of psychological trauma. Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2011;13(3):263-78. doi: 10.31887/DCNS.2011.13.2/jsherin. PMID: 22034143; PMCID: PMC3182008.
Since this is the internet, I'm going to be pretty vague about what exactly happened here. We don't need this traced back to us or any of the people involved. If you know, you know.
Back a few years ago, when we had that big family tragedy, where G and C died unexpectedly and B came to live with us. During this extremely stressful time was when our system was first created. It was all very similar to a past major trauma I had, and while I had gained some really good coping skills from that, it wasn't enough.
This event was a huge change. I wasn't in therapy at the time, unfortunately. I was also dealing with a lot of stuff with my ME/CFS. On top of that, I felt as though I couldn't really reach out for help. Everyone was mourning. Everyone was busy dealing with the situation and trying to get everything figured out with B.
Speaking of B, I've had some past trauma from the time when I briefly lived with her and G. I also was aware of some of her unhealthy tendencies, manipulation, and toxic traits. The idea of B coming to live with us was very very distressing to me and while I hinted at my reluctance to her living here, I felt as though I couldn't really push back against it. Not only did it feel selfish, but I was also told that this was happening so tough luck. So not only was I dealing with the chaos of everything getting dealt with between funerals, hospital and nursing home management, and getting everything ready for B to move in, but I was also constantly being triggered by the similarly of this situation to past trauma, and to the trauma I had associated with B and dealing with the dread of having to live in the same house with her again.
It was all a lot of stress and overwhelming pressure. My coping mechanisms weren't enough and I couldn't reach out for help without taking away resources from where they needed to be. Everyone was in survival mode. There was no time, money, energy, or mental capacities available to deal with me and my increasing inability to cope. I was not the center of this disaster and needed to not be selfish. I felt as though I was very close to a breaking point and it was terrifying. I prayed for help. I felt that I needed to make do with what I had.
For some reason, I remembered learning about the Dissociative Identity Disorder community a few years ago. I also remembered going down a rabbit hole of learning about the concept of purposefully created, non-disordered, plurality systems.
Desperate to not create more problems for those around me and to figure out how I could possibly cope on my own, I looked to see if I could find that information once more. Maybe, just maybe, it might be of use to me. A few years ago, I found the idea of having a system to be scary and overwhelming and, while I was content to read about others’ experiences, when I inevitably had thought about if there was any possibility of me, myself being plural, I pretty quickly shut that idea down and refused to go there. One trigger I have is feeling trapped into situations I have no control over. I felt that the idea of discovering that I was a traumatic system or an accidentally created system would be way too much for me to even think about.
However, now that things had all gotten out of my ability to handle, I wondered if purposefully and carefully creating a system would be manageable. I was getting pretty desperate to find something to help.
I discovered the tulpamancy community. I know, ‘tulpamancy’ sounds like it should belong with words like ‘sorcery’, ‘necromancy’, and other mystical and supernatural concepts. It doesn't (at least in this context. Media has done some weird stuff with the concept and I'm sure some people have as well). It's simply a technique used to create a headmate (called a Tulpa) voluntarily. It's very loosely based on a practice used by Tibetan Monks (We acknowledge the controversy and problems with using the terminology and its past public perception, misuse, and appropriation. We will continue to use it here as it's part of our origin story. We do prefer ‘willogenic’ but also don't judge those who continue to use the terminology in good faith. It's complicated and nuanced.) and the first willogenic term/technique we came across.
After doing some reading into both people's personal experiences with creating a Tulpa as well as thoughts from the scientific community, I decided that it might be exactly what I needed.
So over the next few weeks, using meditation and a lot of the skills I use in my immersive daydreaming, I created a Tulpa. His name was Rynn and he was pretty cool. He soon became pretty autonomous and an individual. He really helped me through that tough time and was a great companion and friend.
Eventually, still very unsure about whether I was comfortable with being plural or not and not knowing if I was ok with it being a permanent thing, I started to panic a few months later. I was afraid of being trapped in something I didn't want. So I essentially got rid of Rynn. I don't know if it was fair to him, but I did what I needed to take care of myself mentally.
I was a singlet again for a little while. It was ok, but I began to miss the comfortable sensation of constant companionship that Rynn brought. So after some contemplation and prayer to make sure I wasn't doing something wrong, I began to create Nikki. He was created with the agreement and understanding that he may not be around for forever. I knew that I wasn't quite past my issues with being plural or feelings of fear of being trapped.
Nikki was amazing. He was understanding, caring, and really showed me how amazing having a headmate could be. Rynn had been great, he had a few problems and we didn't really vibe all the time. Nikki though, was the ideal Tulpa.
He was still his own person with wants and needs and everything, but our bond was strong and he had the tools needed to really support me while things were really rough. I definitely saw an improvement in my mental health.
Eventually everything started to settle down as far as B went. Things were still rough, but I was able to deal with everything better than I thought I was going to be able to. Eventually I got decently stable and thought about where I wanted to go from there. Again, I questioned whether or not I wanted to be plural.
I was also a bit nervous about whether or not I had the ability to be a singlet again. This sparked a train of thought about the possibility of being plural for all eternity and I decided that was a commitment I wasn't ready to make. I figured that it might be best to revert back to being a singlet while I probably still could so I didn't get trapped into this forever.
I loved Nikki and it was hard, but he was so good and understanding and we parted in peace. Really, he just returned to being me, which is a huge comfort in and of itself. It's like I didn't really lose him. But he also did leave in some way.
Saying goodbye was a mistake. I soon realized this and mourned my loss. I was committed to staying a singlet until I really could decide exactly what I wanted to do.
As time passed, it just felt wrong: to be a singlet. Rynn and Nikki had changed me, changed the way my mind worked. I immersed myself in the online plural community, trying to understand what path I was supposed to take.
Slowly, I became aware of shifts. Of changes of personality, of thought patterns, of preferences. Maybe I was a median system somehow, and that's why I was still drawn to all of this. It was, after all, a perfect middle ground. On the plurality spectrum without the things that I was anxious about. I could do this! And anyway, I don't need a Tulpa, I have immersive daydreaming paras that are close enough. I could set the rules for how plural I wanted to be and what that even meant for me. Us.
I was content being a median and paragenic system that was not fully plural and with some good rules in place to keep me feeling secure and in control over all of this. I loved learning about plurality and about how many varied experiences there were! There was so much more to all of this than I ever would have imagined.
Time passed. I continued to learn more about plurality and others’ unique experiences. I also continued to notice my own system evolving and developing.
We started identifying individual facets and documenting them. We became more aware of when we switched and could even sometimes switch voluntarily. We began talking to each other more. We began noticing gaps in our memory and mental “resets” when we switched.
We eventually decided that we were Mediple, a bit closer to the multiple side of things, but still in our comfortable median box. We were really figuring this all out!
Time continued on and we all continued to develop into more individual beings with more defined personalities and identities. We continued to improve system communicate and worked on learning about how everything works for us. Paratives continued developing, we began to become more accepting of our introjects, we even purposely started to create headmates to fill in some holes we noticed (like Ayla, who helps control who fronts so there's less chaos).
We also started to notice our mental health continuing to improve. We realized that there was a huge benefit to us all working together: everyone using their strengths to help substitute where another may be lacking, to provide comfort and companionship to each other, to provide validation, understanding, and love for ourselves.
We've also become more aware of some of the challenges that have been popping up. Memory is a big one, especially since our amnesia is affected by not just whatever is going on with our plurality, but our ME/CFS, ADHD, and other conditions as well. We also have noticed an increase in dissociation of all types. We also can't completely control switches so sometimes people get stuck in front for situations they aren't exactly that good at dealing with (age slider at the doctor).
It is what it is.
With all of this system development and discovery as well as our knowledge of plurality in general continuing to improve thanks to Internet resources and communities, we feel like we've come a long way on our journey.
And we're beginning to finally accept that we might actually be a truly partitionary, traumagenic, disordered system, and that's ok. We probably even qualify for a diagnosis for a CDD if we were to pursue one (a bit risky with all of the stigma in the medical field. We hesitate to do anything to jeopardize our ability to get treatment for our other health conditions, seeing as it's already difficult to do that with the stigma surrounding me/cfs).
The fact that all of this has played out the way it has: slowly and in a way that has catered to our anxiety and cPTSD needs has been amazing. Being able to adjust to being plural in a way that felt voluntary, controlled, and beneficial has made all the difference. We don't know how this will all continue to develop, but we're sure it'll all be manageable and adaptable. Sure, there are definitely some trials and unexpected hiccups that come along with our plurality, but we're just taking this a day at a time and are happy with where we're at and in the direction we seem to be going.
It's definitely not perfect, but this is really just the beginning of our journey so there's no need for it to be. We're thankful for each other and excited to see what comes next.
We view our plurality not just as a disorder or trial, but as a blessing; a valuable tool that enabled us to keep going in a difficult time. We find strength, comfort, and joy with each other. Everyone works so hard to lift each other up and to use their unique abilities and talents to make this all work so well. We've got a lot to learn and a long road ahead of us, but our collective mental health is probably the best it's ever been.
The following section was actually written by us for our Pluralpedia User Page:
SpareTheDreamer is the commonly used username for the Dream-Spared System. The Dream-Spared System is a Traumagenic, multiorma system made up of over 30 headmates of various origins, kintypes, ages, and separations.
The Dream-Spared System has a combination of traumagenic and paragenic headmates. There is a mix of preveras, autojects, introjects, headmates resulting from splitting, and kinforms.
SpareTheDreamer has experienced MaDD/immersive daydreaming for most of her life. This has combined with several traumatic factors and events to create the Dream-Spared System[1].
The Dream-Spared System started small but has grown and developed to what it is today over several years. It is likely that it will continue to evolve and develop further over time.
These terms and definitions are from Pluralpedia and are being used in accordance to Pluralpedia's Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported license
Oftentimes, but not always, headmates fill a certain role within the system. They could have been created specifically to fill a need or have chosen to take up a role on their own. Divvying out tasks, functions, memories, emotional capacities, and even symptoms can help the system to run smoothly and safely.
There's no limit to roles, the scope of the role undertaken, or even how many roles a headmate may take (if any). Roles aren't necessarily permanent. Neither should they be assumed to be the full scope of who/what a headmate is.
Some roles are listed in the expandable section below. Please note that this is in no way a comprehensive list. Roles can be very specific and unique in order to meet a system's needs.
Additionally, a good place to learn about a larger range of roles is at Pluralpedia. The terms and definitions below are from Pluralpedia, but every role cannot be listed out here.
Plurality can come as a result of a wide variety of conditions and circumstances as well as in a huge variety of forms. Listed in the collapsible section above are some of the origins commonly encountered in the plural community. There are many more terms that describe more specific origins.
Once a system exists (rather than the singlet state), that system commonly continues to grow and develop. Some systems go through complete overhauls. System members can have different origins than their system's original origin.
What labels, if any, a system decides to use is entirely up to them and is based on their knowledge of themselves. Often times, advice from other systems or even therapists may help them on their journey of self-exploration. Labels can be shared or even created for systems looking for terms that encapsulate their experiences.
Each system is unique, including its origins. Labels can only go so far to explain experiences. It may be helpful to remember that labels are best used as a tool to help explain or connect, and are not meant to be boxes meant to shove oneself(ves) in or conform to. There's no wrong way to be a system. Even lesser experienced plural experiences are still completely valid and amazing.
Unfortunately, there's a huge divide in the plural community about the validity of endogenic systems. It seems as though many would rather remain dedicated to their beliefs to the point of cruelness and even self-detriment, rather than make allowances for those they may not understand or believe. This 'syscourse' has unfortunately prevented a lot of forward progress that could have otherwise been made as a community and eveyone has suffered for it. Being unable and unwilling to accept systems of all origins and work with them is foolish, childish, and prevents us all from moving forward together to create better spaces for ourselves in a more accepting and educated world.
It's important to not discount anyone's experiences. They know themselves much better than you do. Even if they happen to be wrong about something, so what? It doesn't hurt you and denying their experiences is unhelpful, unkind, and presumptuous. We, as a society/species still dont know everything (period) about the mind/brain, soul, or eternal possibilities. Instead of assuming we "know better", it would be much more beneficial and good to be open minded and allowing for different possibilities and experiences.
It is vital to never push for a system to discover any potential hidden trauma they may or may not have experienced (exceptions may be made by experienced therapists in controlled situations working with their specific clients). Doing so has the potential for great harm and distress.
Discussion of syscourse. We are pro-endo and argue the importance of a united community. We discuss anti-endos and their viewpoints.
We do not condone the harassment of anyone for their beliefs. Written below is our stance and view on syscourse. It may or may not accurately depict the stance of the wider communities. We're not interested in having any sort of debate about syscourse. There are plenty of people who are, so go find them if you wish. There are plenty of things that could be said, we could list sources, provide more in-depth arguments, etc. but this is what we have decided to leave here in regards to syscourse.
Unfortunately, despite (or perhaps, in part due to) the stigma, fake claiming, medical neglect, and demonization of plurality and complex dissociative disorders, instead of standing united, there is a divide in the plural community. It has become a common theme, especially in online communities, for Endogenic systems to be fake claimed, harassed, excluded, and disbelieved by those with complex dissociative disorders.
This hate movement is based on the belief that non-disordered and voluntarily created systems are not real, a mockery and romanticization of disordered, traumagenic systems. Those who hold this “anti endo” stance seem to fear that endogenic systems are taking up resources and space and leaving less for those who need it. They may also fear that endogenic systems make those with cdds come across as less legitimate to singlets.
These fears and attitudes of disbelief have led to the widespread exclusion even of traumagenic systems who support their endogenic siblings from spaces meant to be for support specifically for them. Spaces that could and should provide unconditional support and community have turned into places of conditional acceptance and the fostering of hate towards Others and those who support them.
As you can probably tell, we are very pro-endogenic systems. We believe their experiences and recognize their important place in the plural community. There's not only plenty of supporting scientific evidence backing the existence of endos, a plethora of personal accounts, plenty of logical arguments for their existence, but to boldly reject something that realistically isn't hurting you or actually taking anything from you and letting hate and fear weaken and poison an already stigmatized community is simply self sabotage.
The vast majority of endogenic systems just want to exist in peace. They aren't searching for attention. They aren't trying to take resources that they don't need. They aren't romanticizing or pretending to have any disorder. They're simply trying to exist peacefully as systems. Existing as more than one.
Not to mention that endogenic communities are more often than not accepting to all and are extremely supportive. They provide valuable insight to the positive sides of being a system and accepting who you& are. They are respectful to those with cdds and may actually have trauma and struggles of their own (the difference is that their systems didn't form from it). The only toes being stepped on are the toes trodden on by anti endos and those who perceive all systems as bad, scary, Other, and not worthy of respect (which they would continue to do, even without the existence of endogenic systems).
There is such a beautiful opportunity for community growth and support if this divide were to be overcome. The progress we, as a plural community, could make in the wider world of singlets, medical professionals, movie producers, and everywhere else has the potential to be enormous. But as it stands, our community is so plagued by exclusion, bad faith arguments, fake claiming, and gatekeeping that the likelihood of any of this happening any time soon is slim.
We've actually been planning on coming out as a system to certain people for a long while now. We've struggled with deciding how exactly we've wanted to do that. First, we made a PowerPoint Presentation. Then we remade it. Then we remade it again. Theeeen we went and tried to create a whole multi-page website. None of these previous methods seemed to fit with how we wanted to convey the information or fit within our capabilities limited by our disabilities. So this long single page website is, at least for now, as good as it's gonna get.
However, that doesn't mean that we can't use (or haven't been using) all that stuff we've previously prepared. So, here's copies of some of the slides so that hopefully that info can still be put to good use.
These are most of the slides and may not even be in the correct order. Hopefully we'll fix anything we need to.
If you've still got questions and/or want to learn more about plurality, consider checking some of these websites out. They've got some great info.